


This Sudden Fear is Strange, This Sudden Fear of Change

by seethatvangogh (the_pain_that_lies_within)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Feels, Homophobic Language, I swear, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Angst, Modern AU, Odin's A+ Parenting, Odin's not totally shitty parenting, Pining, Pseudo-Incest, Recreational Drug Use, Slow Burn, They are not actually related, Thorki - Freeform, fashion - Freeform, fashion designer loki, no powers, only somewhat sarcastic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2018-10-29 23:36:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10864494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_pain_that_lies_within/pseuds/seethatvangogh
Summary: "You interrupted my fun," the voice above Thor hissed in the dark. "This is your warning toneverdo that again."





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first attempt at a multichapter work that I actually will finish. The fic was initially inspired by the song "Simple Pleasures" by Jake Bugg, and kind of snowballed from there. Please feel free to leave comments and constructive criticism.
> 
> Unbetaed

Thor was bored. He sat as the sad excuse for a desk in the same room he’d been in for the last seven hours and… he glanced at the clock, twenty-seven minutes. At least that meant he only had another thirty-three minutes to go before someone would show up to relieve him. Working as a security guard wasn’t the most exciting or challenging job, but he didn’t mind it. There were a lot of other jobs he could be doing instead, and this one was still preferable to quite a few.

He passed the next ten or so minutes wadding up little bits of paper from his notepad and launching them across the room at the other guard. They were strongly discouraged from talking, as that could lead to distraction. As a general rule, a distracted security guard was just about useless. The rules did not yet say anything about throwing items, though Thor was sure that if he pushed it, there would soon be a de facto rule about just that.

After almost fifteen minutes of having wads of paper aimed at his head, the other guard was finally fed up. “Thor!” Steve shouted, “I know you’re bored, and lord knows I am too, but can you please stop that.” Thor snickered. If Steve, good catholic boy that he was, had taken the lord’s name in vain the Thor must have really gotten on his nerves.

Thankfully, Thor was saved from having to pretend to be sorry by the arrival of the next guard. “Well, hello gorgeous,” Bucky said, as he slid into the security room. He dropped off a cup of black coffee at the desk Thor was at before sidling over to Steve. Before Steve could get out a word of greeting, Bucky dropped a quick kiss on his boyfriend’s lips, before heading back to where Thor was.

Thor stood up so Bucky could take his seat. While Steve and Bucky may have been together, they were still damn good at their job, even if they were working the same shift. The two had met as boys in Brooklynn where they grew up, and three tours in Iraq together had given them a seamless ability to work together. Thor personally thought their talents were wasted here as mere security guards, but he was happy to be working with friends. They had been a ragtag group of misfits in high school, along with several other people with prominent roles in the company. Everyone was a key player who had earned the position they held. Thor was the slight odd man out. He ended up helping wherever he was needed. It just so happened that none of the guards they had on rotation could work this particular shift that day, which is how Thor ended up parked in the security office for the last almost eight hours. The shifts were staggered so there were always two guards on duty, with one guard being swapped out halfway through the other one’s shift. It was Thor’s turn to go and Steve would be there for another four hours.

He gave his greetings to Bucky and said goodbye to Steve before trying to make a hasty escape. “Have a good day Thor. Are you going to go visit him before you head home?” While on the surface, Steve and Thor didn’t get along, it was more of a playful rivalry that anything honestly hostile.

“That was the plan, yes.” Thor was edging closer to the door. He was always antsy to leave if he was going to be paying a visit.

“Tell him we said hi, if it’s a good day.” Bucky called out, giving Thor his opportunity to leave. As much as Bucky loved him, he knew that Steve could be a talker. Thor wouldn’t be leaving for a while if they let Steve keep talking. 

Finally managing to make his escape, both from boredom and from his work, Thor quickly walked through the lobby of the largest bank in the world, Asgard Central Bank. He quickly said hello to the workers he passed as he walked out the door.

Twenty minutes and an annoying drive across the city later, he arrived at his destination. He showed his ID to the receptionist and headed up to the top floor. Standing in front of the door, he paused for a moment.

There on the door was a small sceptre ornament he had given the occupant of the suite. It had been a Christmas present back when they were children, when they were constantly playing pretend games. Now the sceptre was even more meaningful. He looked at the color it was showing. The sceptre was green today, which meant it was most likely safe to enter. He opened the door and was immediately met with the smell of smoke.


	2. Chapter 2

Loki was bored. He lay on his couch, staring across the room. His piercing green eyes were unfocused as he was lost in thought. Suddenly, he jerked back to himself as he got an idea. Sluggishly, he dragged himself off of his couch, where he had been laying upside down. He straightened himself up as he looked around his gilded prison. His cell was a gorgeous, penthouse apartment that most anyone would give (and pay) an arm and a leg for. Technically, he was free to come and go as he pleased, but both him and his captors knew that going out by himself was not permitted.

As he stretched to worked the kinks out of his back, he made his way over to his desk. The desk itself was a cherry wood monstrosity, easily large enough to pass for a bed, with or without a mattress. He would know. He had slept on it several times. Instead of climbing on top of the desk, he sat down in the chair. The chair he used was a simple, high backed rolling chair. It fit his needs best and it was one of the few things in the apartment that was not excessive or opulent. Even though Loki was the one who had decorated the apartment, his father’s taste could still be clearly seen throughout the room. While Loki tended towards simple, elegant décor and furniture in a scheme of black, green, and gold, his father tended to follow the lines of the bigger, the better. Much of the furniture in the apartment was a rather large size. Far larger than he needed given that he rarely had more than two visitors. The only place the excessive size was welcome was his bed. That saw far more visitors than the rest of his apartment.

Smirking to himself, he pulled open one of the drawers of his desk. He pulled out paper, several mechanical pencils and pens of different sizes, and a truly massive case of artist quality colored pencils. They were all arranged meticulously on his desk before he pulled a hair tie out of the pocket of his sweatpants and pulled his silky black hair into a messy bun. The final thing he pulled out was one of the many, many joints he had stored around the apartment. Lighting up, he took a long rip as he decided what colors he wanted to work with today. For the most part, he stuck with his favorite color scheme of black, green, and gold, but today he felt like shaking it up. He pulled out all the colors of a sunset. He had a new idea for a dress and matching accessories.

He slowly started sketching, tracing out the lines of a softly tiered dress with a ruffling, uneven hem. As he sketched, Loki could picture the finished dress, the bodice a shimmering, color shifting taffeta. It would ripple between peach and pink depending on how the garment was viewed. The tiers would be a fine tulle layered in every shade of the sunset.

After he had a nice mellow going, he started in on designing the accessories. The handbag was a small clutch in a beautiful crimson. The shoes were peach, salmon, and coral peep toe sling backs. He smiled at the connotations of a sling back with an otherwise sweet outfit. The accessories themselves were rather simple. Gold with drop crystals.

Designing finished for now, he leaned back in his chair and stretched. Glancing at the clock as he lit up a regular cigarette this time, he found that he had been lost in sketching for over two hours. Loki didn’t feel like it had been that long, but he rarely felt the time pass when he was absorbed in designing. The next time he had a visitor, he would go out to get supplies. He had a small stack of designs on the corner of his desk that were waiting to be made. Since he had been put in this prison, he had slowly cultivated his own fashion brand, _Mischief_. All the pieces were one of a kind, as he rarely made duplicates. While he could order everything he needed off the internet, he much preferred to be able to see everything he was getting in person before he purchased it. He had been screwed on that before with a tube of beads that looked entirely different when he got them. He didn’t take chances anymore.

His brand sold fairly well though. He was grateful for the way to pass his time here while still doing something constructive. See, Loki was a rather simple man. He had four great loves in his life, which he referred to as his “four Fs”. They were: food, fucking, fashion, and firewater. Not necessarily in that order. Despite the fact that he was currently in sweatpants and not much else, he tended to enjoy looking nice. He had a rough night. He was allowed to look somewhat shoddy.

Just as he was lighting another cigarette, he heard keys in the front door. He leaned back further and forced himself to relax, cigarette hanging from his lips. He closed his eyes as the door opened. “Good afternoon, brother.” Thor said, uncharacteristically quiet as he let himself in. Loki was sure that his face showed signs of his night, if his state of dress wasn’t enough of an indicator. He was also sure that Thor was being considerate until he could gauge how Loki was doing that day.

Loki opened his eyes as he fixed the older man with a long stare. “I am not your brother. Not even in the legal sense, anymore.” Odin had made sure the public knew his adopted son was no longer a part of his family.

Thor’s face softened. He could see that Loki was tired, even if the smaller man was doing a good job of pretending otherwise. He knelt in front of his younger brother. “You know that none of us think that. Not even father.” While it was true that behind closed doors, and in the privacy of his prison, they were all still a family, Loki had been publicly banished from the family both for his own safety and the sake of the public’s perception. Standing at the top of the world, the Odinson family was a household name. Together, they ran Asgard Central Bank, a corporation said to rule the whole world. Almost everyone and everything had some ties back to the world’s largest bank. Thor was slated to be the next CEO when Odin finally retired, and once upon a time, Loki would have been standing there beside him. Not anymore.

Loki eyed Thor’s clothing with disdain. “Helping out at the company again?” he asked with the faintest hint of a sneer. Unlike their father, Thor wanted to get an intimate look at how the entire company was run, so he would often take up shifts for different positions in the company. They both knew that Loki had no issue with Thor being useful. He had excessive issues with what Thor wore while he was helping as a security guard. They didn’t have a uniform, per se, but all of the guards wore nice jeans and polo shirts so they didn’t stand out if they needed to leave the office to follow suspicious people. Loki just happened to have an incredible dislike of polo shirts.

Thor smiled good naturedly. “Yes, I was. No one was available to work so I stepped in.” He stood in a smooth motion. “I trust you still have some of my clothes here?” 

Loki waved him lazily towards the bedroom. “Of course I do, you great oaf. They’re in the closet where they always are.” Everyone in the family kept several sets of clothes in Loki’s prison, though only Thor kept his in Loki’s bedroom.

As Thor changed into his normal clothes, Loki snuffed out his cigarette and slowly stood. He was still a bit stiff, not that it would stop him from enjoying a visit from Thor. When he was sure the blond should be almost done with changing, Loki went into his bedroom to get changed as well. Thor was just shrugging on a red flannel shirt as Loki slid into his bedroom. 

Loki perched himself on the corner of his bed. “I want to go out today, Thor”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like it's worth mentioning that sling back shoes are also known as "slutty shoes" in case people didn't get the joke when Loki was designing. 
> 
> Also of note is that the thing with the beads actually did happen to me. 
> 
> See you all in the next chapter!


	3. Chapter 3

Thor smiled at his baby brother indulgently. While it was not entirely rare for Loki to ask to leave his apartment, it was an infrequent enough occurrence to be special. “Okay,” Thor readily agreed, “why don’t you get dressed while I let father know.” It was so like them to pretend that it was this easy for Loki to leave. Pretend that Loki was still a regular person. While Loki picked out what he wanted to wear, Thor shot off several texts in rapid succession. One went to their father, one to their mother in the likely event that she wasn’t currently with father, and one to the guard for Loki’s apartment.

As he was waiting for replies, Loki piped up with a quiet question. “Thor,” he said in an uncharacteristically small tone, “how warm is it outside?” To anyone else, this would be a fairly normal question. Often, this question would be met with an answer in approximate degrees, as most people could determine how comfortable it was from there. None of that was helpful to Loki. He so rarely went outside that he had little tolerance for temperature changes anymore. What he was asking was if the weather was much different from that in his apartment. Thor’s face twitched, a heartbreaking expression of how he wanted to free his brother, but he schooled his expression before Loki could turn around. It would do him no good to have Thor’s sadness piled upon his own.

Thor came up behind his brother, loosely wrapping his strong arms around the smaller man and resting his chin on that silky, black hair. He could both comfort Loki and hide any remaining traces of sadness his expression this way. Thor hummed as he thought about how the temperature outside related. “It’s a little but warm today, but not too bad.” That basically meant Loki could wear what he would wear around the apartment, minus some accessories like scarves and jackets. He did slightly better in the cold, but neither were easy for him.

Loki nodded and walked back to his closet, pulling away just as Thor’s phone began pinging with responses. He checked his phone while Loki changed, giving him some privacy, even though Loki wouldn’t care. Their parents thanked him for letting them know, and the guard, Sif, let him know what happened last night, but he wanted to hear it from Loki if possible. The way that Loki remembered things wasn’t always proper.

When he looked up, Loki was starting to pull on his favorite shoes, some high heeled, studded monstrosities that made his already long legs continue on for days. “Loki,” Thor said, his tone gentle but firm, “don’t wear those today.” Loki opened his mouth to protest, but Thor smoothly interrupted before he could say anything. “I can see how tired you are. Please wear flat shoes today.” Thor knew that Loki wanted to argue, but he also knew that his little brother was aware that he had a point. Despite his normally impeccable balance, he got wobbly just like anyone else when he was this tired. Thor would do almost anything to ensure the younger man never got hurt.

Loki pouted, but relented. He grabbed his platform converse instead and laced them up. While Thor got everything finalized for their excursion, Loki went to the bathroom and did some very quick makeup. Noting too complicated, as he had neither the time nor the desire to do a full face today. Just some concealer for the dark circles under his eyes (courtesy of the rough night), mineral powder, eyeliner, and mascara.

When he finished and walked out, Thor thought he looked stunning as usual. Loki wore a green silk tank top tucked into high-waisted black shorts, with his hair pulled into a slightly neater bun impaled with two pencils. On most people, the outfit would look messy or just wrong, but not Loki. He carried himself with an elegance that could make anything look fit for a New York Fashion Week runway. The contrast of the rich tones against his already pale skin made him positively glow, and his lean legs continued for miles.

“Are you ready to go?” Loki had a tendency to take a while getting ready, and Thor had long since learned to ask instead of just assuming.

Loki strode over to his desk, messenger bag in hand. “Almost.” He grabbed the stack of designs off of the surface of his desk and another joint out of the drawer then gently slid the whole stack into the bag before slinging it over his shoulder. He walked past Thor, towards the door. “Now I’m ready to go.” Thor smiled. He was always happy to take his brother out, even more so when it involved something Loki loved doing. His designing brought him so much joy and filled the empty parts of his days when he was alone here. It didn’t matter that days with Loki tended to be an emotional roller coaster. Thor would take any time with his brother that he could get.

As Thor drove them to the nearest craft store, he decided to broach the subject of last night. “Loki, do you want to talk about last night?” He knew that the younger man didn’t want to, but probably would anyway.

Loki sighed irritably, acting like he wasn’t going to talk. He pulled out his joint and lit it before he decided to respond. “He showed up several times last night and wouldn’t leave me alone. It was almost five until I was able to sleep properly,” he paused to take a puff. “I had just enough time to clean up and create a new design before you showed up.”

From what Sif had told him, it was a rather boiled down version of last night’s events, but sometimes that was the most that could be asked of Loki. Pestering him could just make him shut down, so Thor let it drop, aside from one more question. “Are you sure that you are okay to be out today?”

Loki shot him a rather piercing glare. “I wouldn’t have asked to go out if I wasn’t sure he would stay away until at least tomorrow.”

Thor held up one of his hands as a sign of defeat. He was driving so he couldn’t do both. “I’ll trust your judgement, but you know I had to ask.”

The black-haired man sighed, deflating slightly. “I know.” He stared out the window of the sleek silver car. In spite of, or maybe because of everything, Loki knew he was loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a picture of Loki's favorite [shoes](https://media.dollskill.com/media/2GLCjumwbldHu3J0Jv2lgiC3RUt3cObj-34.jpg)
> 
>  
> 
> His platform [converse](http://image.taobao.com/bao/uploaded/i2/17068024875780820/T1Y502XppaXXXXXXXX_!!2-item_pic.png)  
> 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this chapter took so long to get out. My muse fled me and even without it, this chapter was really hard to write. 
> 
> Warning for this chapter in that it contains fairly strong homophobic language at the end.
> 
> This chapter was beta'ed by the lovely [random_uniqueorn](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Random_uniqueorn/pseuds/Random_uniqueorn).

Loki figured that since this was the first time he had been outside in a few weeks, he would enjoy the day with Thor. They spent well over an hour in the craft store. Being the diva that he is, Loki refused to leave until he had all the materials that he needed, and he would not settle for any items other than what he went into the store wanting. Thankfully, this particular craft store happened to be one of the largest in New York, and so it was rare for one to not find what they were looking for.

Four large shopping bags (and a couple thousand dollars) later, the brothers left the store. Thor insisted on making a pit stop at the car to drop everything off before they continued on. Reluctantly, Loki agreed. He hadn’t really bought anything this time that would be damaged by the heat that would build up in the car.

They wandered aimlessly. Thor was thankfully able to get away without discovery. He was fortunate that most of his time spent in front of television cameras was in a suit with his shoulder-length, golden hair down. In his casual clothing, with his hair pulled into a ponytail, most people would not recognize him, even if he was one of the most powerful men in the world. The general public simply assumed that a man of his standing would live his entire life in a boring, itchy suit. Not that his suits were actually boring. Every suit he owned, Loki had either designed or made. Even if Thor could not actually promote his little brother’s brand, he was still incredibly proud of everything that Loki had accomplished.

Loki, for his part, got plenty of attention. In his case though, the attention was drawn by his sharp, beautiful face and lean, long legs drew eyes wherever they went. His style and grace brought stares of envy and lust from men and women alike as they passed.

As they went by street performers and homeless beggars, Loki gave money to them all. He knew, whether he liked to admit it to himself or not, that he could have easily ended up like the homeless ones, or worse. He gave to the performers simply because he loved art in all of its many forms. Regardless, it’s not like he was hurting for money. Even disowned, a son of the Odinson family still had more money than he would be able to spend in ten lifetimes. Loki was happy to share with those who needed it.

The hour was beginning to grow late, and even the shopping sector they were in was slowly starting to empty. New York may be the city that never slept, but it did slow down after the stores closed.

“Loki,” Thor began quietly, trying to keep at least some attention off of them. While being quiet used to be a massive challenge for Thor and his deep, booming voice, he had mastered the skill in recent years. “We should probably be heading back before too long, don’t you think?”

Loki sighed and threw a longing look to several of the clubs that peppered the street they were wandering. He used to frequent those exact clubs. Back then, he didn’t even need a fake ID, despite being the tender age of sixteen. All he needed was his family name and a small stack of hundreds, mere pocket change to them.

Thor noticed the younger man’s line of sight and wrapped his arm around that slender waist, squeezing lightly. There were no words that he could offer as comfort. Loki had long made peace with his situation, but that didn’t mean he would ever be happy about it. He leaned into his older brother’s side. What Loki craved more than anything was the touch of another person. Conversation was wonderful but with technology, someone could be literally on the other side of the world and still talk to him. He was lonely. For a few minutes, they walked in relative silence, headed back to the car.

“Hey!” A loud, slightly slurred shout came from nearby the bar they just passed. The brothers kept walking, Thor’s arm still around Loki. There were heavy, stumbling footsteps behind them, before the voice became even louder. “I said hey! What do you two fairies think you’re doing?”

Loki was basically internally screaming. He knew that they shouldn’t get mixed up in this, but there was also not going to be any easy way out. Thor could tell as well. There would be no getting out of this without at least acknowledging the asshole. They steeled themselves and turned around. The drunk bigot was probably late forties, heavyset, dark hair that was beginning to grey at the temples, and an already receding hairline. How unfortunate.

Thor pasted on his charming, business smile. Loki just focused on keeping his self-control. Slowly, he filtered out the sound of the conversation that Thor was trying (and failing) to keep cordial. He would let Thor deal with the man unless there was an actual reason for Loki to get involved. The goal for both of them was to get out of there as soon as possible before _he_ showed up. Loki focused on his breathing and whiting out his mind.

Even though it was just going to make the situation worse, Thor kept his arm around Loki’s waist, firmly anchoring his younger brother, knowing that he would need it. The raven-haired man was broken out of his trance by the bigot’s voice attaining a new, booming volume. “You and your whore shouldn’t be flaunting your faggot selves in the middle of the street!” The few people that were still milling about the street were starting to stare, but no one yet was willing to jump in for either side.

Thor’s polite expression was growing more strained with every word the asshole spit out. “If you had listened to me the other three times I said it, he’s my younger brother. He’s anemic and was feeling a bit faint, so I was supporting him.”

In typical conservative fashion, he wasn’t buying the truth because it wasn’t what he wanted to hear. “Of course he is. To a queer, what’s the difference? Strangers, family, dogs, it’s all the same. Just go use your whore in an alley. It’s more than he deserves anyway.”

Loki began tugging at the hem of Thor’s shirt. Thor was close to snapping and _he_ was closer than Loki felt comfortable with, given where they were. Thor easily picked up on the other man’s cues and reluctantly turned to leave. His body language still said he wanted to beat the shit out of the bigot, but the asshole hadn’t made enough of a move for it to be justified violence. The family didn’t need a scandal over something like this.

The bigot was gloating in his perceived victory. With those types of people, they tending to believe that choosing not to engage further was the same as giving up. They also had to have the last word. “Go on and enjoy your tranny faggot, you cocksucker!”

The asshole turned around and began to stumble on his drunk, merry way, feeling that he had somehow “won”. Thor just barely spotted the shift and almost didn’t catch Loki bolting after the man. Thor held Loki to his chest in an iron grip, muscles in his arms bulging as he fought to contain strength that should be impossible for the slender body within. “Loki, he’s not worth it. You need to calm down. Remember where we are. He’s not worth it.” Thor rumbled an endless stream of assurances and pleas to calm down into Loki’s ear until the smaller man stopped struggling and the glimmer of blue faded from his eyes. He sagged in Thor’s strong arms, resting his head against that broad chest. 

“Please take me home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a side note, I am aiming for weekly updates for this fic from now on. There will be at least one chapter a week. Maybe more, but there shouldn't be less.
> 
> Also! Next chapter it is revealed why Loki is basically a prisoner, and I will try to get that out before next week.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that this took so long. There's a reason for it. I was recently offered a rather last minute vendor table at an upcoming con and every waking moment that I'm not at work is spent crafting. (As a side note, if you're going to Glass City Con, stop by Peace, Love, & Pride and say hi.) So for the next month or so, updates will be sporadic. But here's a new chapter.
> 
> Also a quick note: Previously, Clint was the guard for Loki's apartment. It has been changed to Sif as of this chapter for reasons that will become apparent in the next chapter.

The drive back to Loki’s apartment was mostly silent. Thor never broke contact with Loki, continuing to hold his hand as he wound through the busy streets of Manhattan. Once again, Loki spent the drive staring out the window. He was chain-smoking through the entire twenty-five minute drive back, pausing after the second cigarette to smoke through a second joint that Thor hadn’t seen him bring. When the stress smoking showed no sign of stopping, Thor gave the younger man a disapproving look, but didn’t say anything. If this was how Loki wanted to cope for now, he would let him do it. Thor would make him stop when they got back to the apartment.

As they rode the elevator up to the top floor, Thor let Sif know to go on lockdown after they got inside, with a promise to fill her in more when he could. He trusted that with or without an explanation, she would fulfil his orders and pass on the situation to Fandral when he relieved her.

The click of the lock was loud in the silent room. “Loki,” Thor was quiet as to not startle the black haired man, “Do you want to go to sleep?” He was sure that Loki was tired from the aborted switch, but would never admit it outright. Fortunately, it was just past ten p.m. and smoking made him sleepy anyway. In his mind, it wouldn’t seem weak to admit that he wanted to sleep right now.

Loki sighed but nodded, spinning around suddenly to hug Thor around the waist. His demeanor was vulnerable, making him seem impossibly small for a man over six feet tall. The cocky air from earlier in the day was no more, replaced by a boy who had to grow up far too quickly. Thor gently began pulling the silky black hair out of its bun. “Don’t worry. I’ll stay with you tonight.” Today was a bad day, but Thor hoped that starting the day with him would make tomorrow better.

For just a moment, Loki squeezed tighter before letting go to get ready for bed. Thor went to get ready as well. While he kept pajamas in the apartment along with all of his other clothes, he opted to ignore them for the most part. He stripped down to just his underwear and then pulled on his Supernatural sweatpants. Some skin contact would probably be beneficial to Loki tonight. After brushing his teeth, he was ready for bed. Just as Thor was sliding under the thick quilt (another thing made by Loki) covering the soft black sheets, the other man padded out from the bathroom quietly. He wore a galaxy print t-shirt, black boxers, and nothing else. His hair was braided, as was Thor’s, to prevent it from tangling while they slept, a habit their mother had instilled in them.

Thor opened his arms. Loki climbed into his bed and straight into Thor’s arms. He rested his head on Thor’s broad chest and was asleep almost instantly. He must have been even more tired than Thor previously thought. The blonde stayed awake for a little while longer, updating the guards on the situation and letting their parents know what had happened. He had to reassure them that nothing had actually happened, he had it under control, no they don’t need to restrict Loki even more. Twenty minutes and one quiet, but frantic, phone call later and Thor was finally able to follow Loki into sleep.

Around one, Thor awoke to find icy blue eyes staring at him. The eyes were set in a face that looked like Loki’s, but not. The expression was different, a haughty, uncaring look that Loki could never manage to make. It was a look that said everyone but the bearer was lesser than even an ant. The bearing was different as well. While Loki had good posture, this being held itself ramrod straight, an arrogant posture that brought to mind old pictures of rich, white slaveowners. This man thought himself a god and made sure that others knew it.

“Hello, Thanos,” Thor greeted, polite but not friendly. He had been aware that this encounter was almost a given after the events of the previous day, but he had been hoping to avoid it. He shifted so he was sitting upright, like Thanos was.

Thanos’ face split apart into a parody of a rictus grin, showing far too many teeth. “Hello, Thor. It’s been a while since I’ve seen you. How _have_ you been?” Even the voice was different. While he still had the very faint Norse accent that both brothers had, his voice was deeper, more guttural than Loki’s. Loki had never been able to use that voice in over a decade of trying.

“We both know you have no interest in my health or happiness, Thanos. You didn’t show up just to chat.” It took a lot of effort on his part to surface, even if Loki was asleep.

Thanos tsked. “Always straight to the point. That’s why I like you.” Suddenly, Thanos had Thor pinned to the bed with a speed and strength that was disproportionate to the slender body he shared. “You interrupted my fun today. This is your warning to _never_ do that again.” His tone was low and his face was only inches from Thor’s.

Thor shoved Thanos off of him with minimal effort. The surprise kept him pinned initially, but the other man was too light to keep him pinned for long. “I can and I will. You know that.” Keeping Thanos in check was one of Thor’s main tasks and the reason why he was usually the one to take Loki out. Thanos was capable of strength that should be impossible for Loki’s body. Thor was one of the few people who was strong enough to overpower him, and they maintained an uneasy truce, which Thanos tried to overthrow at every chance. Tonight would end in another draw.

Thanos made a small pondering noise. “You are fortunate. My time is up. I hope you both enjoy my little…. _surprise_.” With that cryptic statement, Thanos receded back, eyes changing back to the color of emeralds before drifting shut and Loki sagged onto the bed. Thor caught him before he actually fell, mind churning as he resituated them back to before Thanos showed up. Even with Loki asleep, Thanos could only usually front for two hours at the most. Sometimes it was longer, but those instances were very rare. They were only talking for fifteen minutes at the most. That left roughly an hour and a half for him to potentially wreak havoc in the apartment. He would have to wake up before Loki and put the apartment to rights if possible. After shooting off a text to Fandral for a full report on what happened while he was asleep, he settled back down for a few more hours. He wanted to avoid telling Loki about tonight’s visit if possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not have dissociative identity disorder (DID) nor do I claim to. However, my best friend does and a lot of the details are based on her experience, the experience of her friends that have it, and what I have observed when I hang out with her. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. I will either answer myself or ask her if I am unsure of the answer.
> 
> Also, Thor's [sweatpants](http://hottopic.scene7.com/is/image/HotTopic/10884618_hi?%24pdp_hero_zoom%24)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay for this chapter. I've had a lot of issues with my mental health in the last few months and this fic had kind of gone by the wayside while I dealt with it.
> 
> As another note, I am looking for a beta to proofread chapters and hopefully keep me on track with this story so this doesn't happen again. Let me know if you'd be interested.

Thor woke up as the first rays of morning light filtered through the gap in the rich emerald curtains over the window. He checked his phone. There was a new message from Fandrel outlining what happened the previous night. According to the guard, Thanos had simply rifled through Loki’s desk for a few minutes before opening a sketchbook, flicking through several pages and then leaving it open on the desk. He hadn't said anything and the sketchbook was situated in such a way that the camera couldn't accurately pick up what was drawn. Thor sighed to himself. It could have been much worse, but he still had to put the sketchbook away before Loki awoke. Any reminder of Thanos showing up could put him into a funk for days. The blond man intended to keep that from happening if at all possible. 

He spent several minutes trying to extricate himself from the raven haired man's hold without disturbing him. Loki tended to be a rather light sleeper, and despite the fact that he was not normally awake for approximately three more hours, Thor did not want to take any chances. Once he managed to get himself free, he quickly replaced the space where he had been with a pillow. Hopefully that would suffice until he could get back to the bed. He spent a moment just looking at Loki. In sleep, the perpetual furrow in his brow smoothed out and the tension eased from those slender shoulders. For once, Loki looked young. God, he was only twenty-five but he had been forced to grow up so much faster than that. Gently, Thor brushed away a lock of hair that had escaped the braid before turning away.

Thor quietly padded out to the main area of the apartment, breathing another sigh of relief when he saw that truly nothing was out of place from the previous day aside from the sketchbook. Thor walked over to Loki’s desk to put away the sketchbook before its owner noticed. He hadn't been meaning to actually look at the drawing. This one was different from the book he drew his designs in. That one he freely allowed Thor to look at and critique. Despite Loki’s frequent insults otherwise, Thor had a relatively good eye for fashion and could often figure out when a design wasn't quite right. This was Loki’s personal sketchbook and it was a very private thing. Thor could count on one hand the number of times that he had been allowed to see the drawings within. Naturally, that was why Thanos pulled it out. Once he was close enough to actually see the sketchbook to determine which one it was, the drawing on the pages caught his attention.

It was him. Them. Back before. Before Thanos, before imprisonment, before Odin and Laufey and wealth. Back when they were happy without conditions. In Loki’s distinctive style was himself and Thor. The blond man could very clearly remember when this drawing was. In it, sixteen year old Loki was helping a seventeen year old Thor ice skate around a rink in Central Park. Loki had a look of exasperated love and Thor was beaming like Loki had hung the moon and stars. Thor treasured that day and that memory. Loki had been so graceful on the ice, like he was born to skate, while Thor had been far less so. It was only towards the end of their adventure that Loki had managed to coax the other man away from the wall of the rink, where he had been holding on for dear life.

That night had been one of the last when they were truly happy.

Thor had been so absorbed in the drawing and his memories that he hadn't heard the quiet footsteps behind him until Loki spoke. “What are you doing, Thor.” It was not phrased as a question and Thor knew better than to take it as one. He risked answering anyway, turning around without slamming the sketchbook shut, as it would just make him look more guilty. “It was open when I came out here. I was trying to put it away when the drawing caught my attention. My apologies, brother.” Those emerald eyes narrowed at the use of the word. It could also be that he didn't believe Thor. Both were likely. Thor knew the black haired man better than anyone, but even he didn't always understand what went through Loki’s mind. 

Loki opened his mouth, likely to bite out a retort, when Thor saw his clever brain fit all the pieces into place. He seemed to wilt slightly, without ever moving. “ _He_ showed up last night, didn't he,” Loki ground out. Another non-question question. He was the only person Thor had ever met that was able to look infuriated yet completely defeated at the same time. It was an odd combination, but one that he was unfortunately all too familiar with where Thanos was concerned. Loki despised Thanos with his entire being; refused to even say his name. Thor couldn't blame him. His alter was the reason he was locked up here in the first place.

Thanos was a petty, grasping man with delusions of grandeur. He believed himself a ruler and would do anything he could to ensure that he ended up in that position. In an ordinary man, that would not be a problem. They have the desire, but they do not have the intelligence or the means to accomplish that goal. Thanos was different. He was cunning and ruthless. Combined with his impossible strength, he was a force to be reckoned with. The family that he was a part of also happened to be one of the the most influential in the world. He had the means, the ambition, and the drive. All the Odinson family could do was try to keep the tide at bay.

Thor gently grasped Loki’s arm and guided the smaller man to sit on his lap. Wrapping strong arms around that ever so slightly shaking frame, he pressed his nose into the dark hair, inhaling Loki’s unique scent. After ensuring that there was adequate physical comfort for Loki (without smothering him, as he was barely refraining from resisting as it was), Thor answered his not-question. “Aye, Thanos was here last night. He got out the sketchbook and woke me up to threaten me again. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing unusual.” Thor repeated the phrase, knowing that the redundancy would amuse Loki, even if just slightly. Predictably, Loki’s lips twitched into the ghost of a smile. There would likely be no genuinely, full smiles from him today. Any time he became aware of a switch, it had him in a sour mood for at least a full day. It looked like today would be more of a depressed reaction, rather than a biting anger day.

Thor briefly tightened his hold to make sure he had Loki’s attention. “Would you like me to get Natasha or Clint over today?” either one of them could do Loki a world of good on a day like today. He thought for a moment.

“Natasha, please. I need to move. But first,” he said, plunking his head back onto Thor’s broad shoulder, “we are going back to bed. It is far too early to he awake.”

Thor was only too happy to sweep him up and comply, sketchbook forgotten and still left open.


End file.
